So, I‘ve got this psychologist in my life, and she told me an interesting thing the other day. Apparently, it is important to say what you feel (and it’s important to say to other people if you appreciate them or whatever, ’cause that makes them feel good – but that’s another topic). And like an infinite amount of other things, it made me think. I‘ve been feeling very good lately. So good that it feels kind of strange (and makes me fear that it can‘t last for much longer, but that‘s yet another topic – forgive me, my mind is very jumpy tonight). Thus, my scientific mind, scientific that it is, got curious – what exactly it is that makes me smile during whole long commute home. And while trudging on the bus the other day, I figured it out. I must say it rather surprised me at first, but the more I think of it, the more natural it seems. I‘m in love. Simple as that. Though before anyone gets too excited, I should explain that I‘m using the word in its broadest possible sense. That is, it‘s not just romantic feelings that prevents one from sleeping and makes do crazy stuff (in fact, I think, that‘s the smallest part of my current good feeling), and not only family-love (even though I‘ve been getting some very nice family time too lately), but also love of the research I do and the lab where I work, classes I take, and even little harmless crushes on a professor or two. So, pretty much it‘s just a general love of my life.
Trying to understand why I feel so particularly happy now (’cause I generally have those loves going on at any given time), the only conclusion I can come up with is that it’s probably the first time in my life that I have so many things I love in my life all at once. Usually something happens that makes me spend a long time away from home and family or most of the classes happen to be boring that semester or there is something that makes working in a lab a stressful and not fun experience.
Upon looking into this further I find that in fact this love thing is something like my human condition (perhaps it is yours too, I don‘t know – is it?). I have to have it. If for some reason, I lose some of the little loves I feel, I become really miserable. I have to try to find a love for something in me again (even if it is a crush on a fictional character). Sometimes it‘s really hard though, but it seems to always work out in the end.
Sitting on a pink cloud,