I’ve been feeling out of phase this week, you know, like a bunch of coherent waves, erm, losing the coherence, if that makes sense, sort of just bouncing and feeling uncomfortably pulled back and forth. I’ve been trying to be more productive and learn new things and stuff over the last few weeks and to that end, in addition to my own work, I’ve started helping out with some other stuff at the lab. This resulted in quite lot of dashing about and, while the new work is fun, I feel like I don’t actually accomplish that much more, maybe even less somehow.
I feel like I either need to plan my time for each project better or give up the extra project. It is fun, though, it’s so relaxing to sometimes just follow instructions instead of doing all the thinking. All the thinking is a lot of fun also though.
I feel very complicated right now,
When I started this blog, I promised myself that I wouldn’t abandon it and would post at least every other week. Not because I have profound things to say, but because I like getting things out of my head. I notice that when I write, it makes me feel better. I often have conversations in my head, you see, and it’s quite difficult to keep the thread of thought intact in that messy place. It gets tangled and lost, and I get stuck twirling the same five statements around. It’s very frustrating. Also, I feel a little weird talking to myself. Writing it all out here makes it less weird, right?
You probably aren’t wondering what happened, but I’m going to share anyway. A while back, I wrote a little bit about my priorities. In general, though, I have just two that my Mum taught me. First, health. Second, my studies. Actually, Mum only taught me the first one. I set the second one myself. And, well, they both took over for a while there. So, now, that I have pretty much the full use of both of my arms and hands again and my Bachelor thesis is defended, I can finally take a breather and do things I enjoy, disentangle my thoughts, and stuff.
Entangled in twenty different balls of yarn (so to speak),
Conversation in my kitchen tonight. Me washing dishes. E comes in.
E: Totally burnt weekend.
Me: Totally. Especially me. Totally totally burnt this weekend.
E: Well, I burnt it even more totally than you.
Me: Yeah… At least we’re feeling well-rested.
Oh, and by ‘burnt’ we meant ‘wasted’. E and I have this weird way of talking to each other. But that’s not the point. The point is that it got me thinking. I remembered all the to-do items (homework, grocery shopping, etc.) I put in my calendar on Friday to be done by Monday. And I didn’t do half of them, and the ones I actually managed to do even weren’t that high up the list. What happened to my priorities? Just a couple of months ago I was desperate to find a good grad school “anywhere but here” and keep ahead with my classes this semester. And now, I’m figuring, heh, staying in this neck of the woods may not be such a bad thing (I’m enjoying what I do and feel good and stuff, so what would be so bad?); and I’m so tired after all that studying for midterms. I think I can allow myself a couple weekends of resting, getting into Christmas mood or whatever, right?
Wondering if I sorted out my priorities right,